SHORT STORY: If Only You Knew - PART 10

James

My heart was racing and my palms became sweaty. I don’t know what’s worse at this moment, losing everything that I’ve built with Shon or standing in a line up waiting to be identified as the suspect in a murder case. It seemed like an eternity had passed before I came up with an answer, but I gave her one nonetheless.

“Baabby!” I pretended to slur my speech while pulling on her arm. “I just came from taking a piss and must have forgotten to zip my pants. Hell, I think I even missed the mark and pissed on the floor by accident.” I rambled in an attempt to make it believable.

“Yeah okay. Well, it’s time to go upstairs.” Shon demanded with disappointment in her eyes.

We rode the elevator in silence. I tried to break the ice by holding her hand, but she was not having that shit at all. She snatched her hand away from me so hard that her stiletto nails scratched the hell out of me. All I could do was shake my head and put my head down. I didn’t know what to say or even ask for that matter. We have never been in this space before and I honestly didn’t know what was going to come out of it. When we finally reached our floor, she turned around and starred at me for a few seconds before heading to the room. I was right on her heels because I didn’t know if she was about to snap because I stayed gone so long or if she was pissed that I was drunk. I just didn’t have a clue and for the first time, I couldn’t read her. Normally when I pissed her off, she yelled and sometimes even cried but not this time. Many believe that the eyes are the window to a person’s soul. If that’s the case, Shon’s soul looked empty and cold. I just pray that I haven’t lost her for good.

“Shon, why are you quiet? Are you mad at me?” I finally managed to ask.

She looked at me once again with no response. Instead, she went to check on the kids and then got in the bed. I pleaded with her a few more time to talk to me, but she refused. I don’t blame her though. Here I was again, back on the same creep squad shit. Shon is good woman that love my dirty drawers and I’m out her fucking with a skeeza. Unfortunately, where there is slop, there will be pigs. I was just as much to blame for this as Laila was. I need my muthafuckin head checked for real. I know I said this a million times, but I’m done. If Shon ever left me I would probably go crazy. The love that I have for her runs deeps and I have never felt that way about another woman before. Her beauty is what initially caught my attention, but I fell in love with Shon’s mind, hustle, and heart. She busts her ass every day to make sure her and her children are straight. She has never brought any drama to our table. Her and Don get along well so we don’t have baby daddy issues. My girl ain’t  out here running the streets. She goes to work and comes home. The only thing that she ever asks from me is quality time. I’m fuckin up big time.

I sat in deep thought for a while before heading to the bathroom to take my shower. I could still smell Laila on me as I scrubbed my skin hard as hell. Her smell was making me sick to my damn stomach because it was a reminder of the lies, deception and betrayal. I said a prayer before I got out of the shower asking God to fix this situation.

The sun forced its way through the venetian blinds prompting me that it was a new day. It wasn’t long after opening my eyes that I realized I was in the room alone. I can remember being younger and excited to wake up on Christmas just to see what Santa had left for me under the tree. My mom would drink her coffee while her boyfriend, Mr. Mike would put “Santa Clause Goes Straight To The Ghetto” on repeat. I’m pretty sure the liquid in his cup was not coffee but that wasn’t my business. My face would light up with each gift I opened and mama would just smile. We’d spend the entire day watching movies and hanging out; just me, mama, and Mr. Mike. I considered that to be a perfect Christmas in my eyes; definitely a far cry from waking up all alone.

My heart was aching as I threw on some clothes and headed for the door. I needed to look for my family. I needed to get shit back on track for the last time. As I reached for the door, the force from the other side pushed the door towards me catching me off guard. The site of Shon, Deon and Donte Jr. with breakfast was relieving.

“Are you hungry?” The kids yelled over their shoulders as they rushed pass me to table.

I wasn’t sure how to answer the question because Shon was still standing in front of me speechless. After a few more seconds, a slight grin creeped across her face. That was all I needed. I grabbed Shon , spinning her around while she giggled.

“Baby, I love you so much.” I screamed.

“Merry Christmas.” Shon whispered before planted a kiss on my cheek.

“I know I messed up big time last night. My intention was to unwind, but I let it go too far. I should have never gotten drunk and stayed out so late.” I explained.

Shon totally disregarded what I had just said to her. Instead, she changed the subject and asked if I was ready to eat breakfast. Call me crazy, but I still feel like she wasn’t buying the bullshit I was trying to force feed her. After all of the stuff that I’ve done behind Shon’s back, who am I to call her out on anything so I let it ride. Once breakfast was over, I opened the door to the only room in our suite that was off limits to the kids. The boys started running and screaming when their eyes locked on the ten foot tall tree smothered in decorations and gifts. Having this surprise set up before we arrived to the island was the most challenging part in planning this trip. Luckily for me, dead presidents will make a n***a move mountains. I gave Alexis a list of things to order and have shipped to the hotel. From there, the receptionist was able to get everything wrapped and put away until we arrived on the island.

In the middle of watching the kids open their gifts, my cellphone started ringing. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who was on the other line.

“Hello!” I barked in a low tone so Shon wouldn’t pick up on it.

“Merry Christmas boo!” Laila cheerfully greeted.

“Fuck You!” I barked and disconnected the line.

I placed the phone on the nightstand, but before I could head back to the kids, a text message came through that read:

“I hope you love the Christmas gift that I bought you. It’s in a big red box with a shiny gold bow on it. Love you always Lay-Lay”